


Murder, Memes, and Marriage

by GayChaosOof



Series: Chat Fics for my favorite shows [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Other, Trans Hinata Shouyou, Transphobia, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23811046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayChaosOof/pseuds/GayChaosOof
Summary: Hinata: i need help hiding a body lolSuga: um WHATDISCONTINUED
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Nishinoya Yuu, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: Chat Fics for my favorite shows [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715581
Comments: 29
Kudos: 418





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is really bad so idk why anyone would read this. Anyways enjoy

Hinata Shouyou added Suga, Daichi, Kageyama, Tanaka, Noya, and 5 more

**Hinata has changed their name to humanbattery**

humanbattery: Guys I need help

Tanaka: What is it my kohai?

Tanaka: Oh wait a sec

**Tanaka has changed their name to BestSenpai**

BestSenpai: better anyways what do u need?

Tsukishima: You better not be stuck in the janitor's closet again shrimp. 

Suga: What?

Daichi: Again?!

BestSenpai: DJKBGFLDISGCBVHJBDLGYGSCBHDSLHGYDGS

Yamaguchi: huh?

humanbattery: u promised you wouldn’t tell anyone saltyshima!

Tsukishima: I didn’t promise shorty

Suga: Um could one of you explain how that even happened?

Daichi: Yeah I’m pretty sure that we all want to know how you got stuck in the janitor's closet of all places

Tsukishima: The shrimp is apparently so short that when he’s walking through the hall people bump into him all the time

Tsukishima: This ended up with him getting pushed into the janitors closet that was slightly open, then getting locked inside because the janitor came back to lock the door

Tsukishima: He would been stuck in there till the end of the day if I hadn’t heard him pounding on the door

Nishinoya: KHSJDBGBSYGVJDEU

Nishinoya: Shouyou you got locked in the CLOSET!

humanbattery: shut up Yuu

Suga: Wait, first name basis?

Suga: When did that happen!

Nishinoya: oh wait we never told them did we Sho?

humanbattery: apparently not, but I thought it was pretty obvious

Suga: What was pretty obvious?!

Nishinoya: me and Shouyou are dating lol

Suga: wait WHAT

BestSenpai: pfft I thought everyone knew this apparently not tho

Daichi: i didn’t know either

Nishinoya: wait, the team mom AND dad didn’t know of this?!

**humanbattery has changed Suga and Daichi’s names to Sugamama and Dadchi**

humanbattery: there all is right in the world now

BestSenpai: wait hinata didn’t u say you needed help or something?

humanbattery: oh yeah i accidently knocked out this guy who was bad mouthing yachi, but now i’m pretty sure he’s dead since he hasn't woken up at all

Dadchi: wait a damn minute

Sugamama: Language

Dadchi: dang*

Nishinoya: WAIT A SEC SHOUYOU COMMITED MURDER

Tsukishima: not really surprised

Yamaguchi: wait why

Tsukishima: Once when we were at a practice match with Nekoma, Hinata heard some people gossiping about Kenma, so he ran over, jumped up, and kicked them in the face

Dadchi: Hinata!

humanbattery: I feel no remorse

Kageyama: hey u want me to help u hide the body idiot?

humanbattery: sure bakayama!

Tsukishima: he’s probably helping cause he knows that the other idiot can’t lift the body cause he’s so small

humanbattery: asshole

Sugamama: Hinata!

humanbattery: im not taking it back

Kageyama: hey dumbass, u gonna help carry the body or not

humanbattery: yeah just a sec

BestSenpai: wait Hinata u were serious

humanbattery: yeah lol

Dadchi: i stg im gonna die with how much bullshit i have to put up with on this team


	2. Flexibility and Break-ability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata use to be in gymnastics, someone come out, and people fall down flights of stairs
> 
> Names  
> Hinata: humanbattery  
> Kageyama: milkboi  
> Tsukishima: lamppost  
> Yamaguchi: Llamaguchi  
> Tanaka:BestSenpai  
> Asahi:JesusOurSavior
> 
> I think the others are pretty obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm accepting ideas and criticism since I'm not that great with that fics. Anyways hope this is okay

**_Nishinoya has changed their name to RollingThunder_ **

_RollingThunder_ : Oh Shouyou~

_humanbattery_ : nope

_RollingThunder_ : awwwww why?

_humanbattery_ : because I dont want to

_Dadchi_ : Don't want to do what?

_RollingThunder_ : Hinata won't show you guys his gymnastics skills!

_Sugamama_ : Hinata knows gymnastics?

_humanbattery_ : yeah my mom put me in it until I was like 10

_BestSenpai:_ Please show us! Then maybe Kiyoko would notice me!

_Yamaguchi_ : Isn't Kiyoko a lesbian?

_Kiyoko_ : that is correct

_BestSenpai_ : Kiyoko! :D

_Kiyoko_ : Tanaka, I'm already dating someone

_BestSenpai_ : What?!! )':

_Yachi_ : She's dating me

_RollingThunder_ : we're getting off topic

_BestSenpai_ : yeah! hinata show us ur skills

_humanbattery_ : gdi I thought u guys forgot

_Dadchi_ : if hinata isnt comfortable showing us don't force him

_humanbattery_ : it's fine daichi

_humanbattery_ : I need to work on my skills anyways

_RollingThunder_ : yes!

**After Practice**

_BestSenpai_ : Holy shit hinata ur flexable!

_Sugamama:_ It explains his jumping skills at least

_Asahi:_ Hey what's this?

**_humanbattery has changed Asahi's name to JesusOurSavior_ **

_Kageyama:_ pfft

**_humanbattery has changed Kageyama's name to milkboi_ **

_milkboi:_ Change it back dumbass!

_humanbattery:_ make me 

_Tsukishima:_ Never thought I'd see the day where the shrimp talks back to the king, but here we are

**_humanbattery has changed Tsukishima's name to lamppost_ **

_Dadchi:_ I-

_RollingThunder:_ BCKAOIQYFBSVAGU

_Yamaguchi:_ Nice one Hinata!

**_humanbattery has changed Yamaguchi's name to Llamaguchi_ **

_Llamaguchi:_ I thought I was safe :(

_lamppost:_ thats what you get you traitor

_Sugamama:_ Hinata you never explained WHY you were in gymnasticsgymnastics

_humanbattery:_ umm....

_Sugamama:_ If you don't want to tell us that's fine! Don't worry about it

_humanbattery:_ eh might as well tell u. U guys deserve to know

_humanbattery:_ im trans ftm

_humanbattery:_ my mom put me in when I was little because that's what all the girls were doing in my class so...

_humanbattery:_ so that's it

_RollingThunder:_ and if any of you hurt my boyfriend I will personally come to ur house and eat ur kneecaps, then give u to oikawa

_Sugamama:_ Oh! I'm sorry if you felt pushed to tell us Hinata! Just know that me and Daichi support you!

_Llamaguchi:_ Don't worry about anything Hinata! The team supports you!

_humanbattery:_ thanks guKvshCvgkav+6$&@?9™¢Π£×~{¢ \°¢°=Hdsuaidbw

_Llamaguchi:_ Is he okay? 

_lamppost:_ it looks like he had a stroke

_BestSenpai:_ OAJXOAJXBSHAISJDJDB I CANT FUCKING B R E A T H E

_Sugamama:_ what happened?

_BestSenpai:_ I was just walking to the vending machine and I saw Hinata F L Y down the stairs. Imma go check if he's good

_Yachi:_ Oh no is he okay!?

_milkboi:_ dumbass probably broke a bone or something

_humanbattery:_ fucj u Baksyamq i fewl great

_lamppost:_ and the shrimp lives

_BestSenpai:_ HOW ARE YOU TYPING HINATANDDHUAIDVD

_Dadchi:_ What do you mean how?

_BestSenpai:_ Hinata broke 7 of his FINGERS

_BestSenpai:_ I don't understand why he broke nothing else but he won't go to the nurses

_humanbattery:_ i feel great

_humanbattery:_ never felt better actually

_milkboi:_ ill give you extra tosses if u go to the nurse 

_humanbattery:_ suddenly my legs have the urge to walk towards the nurses office :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope u guys enjoyed this chapter cause I enjoyed writing. If u guys have any topics u want a chapter to be about just tell me


	3. Family Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to summarize this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the short chapter, I hope u enjoy anyways

_humanbattery:_ hey guys is I legal to stab someone 

_Dadchi:_ I- no it's not. Why would you need to know this

_humanbattery:_ this guy said I was really short and started calling me a lot of things, so I want to stab his shins so he can be at my level

_BestSenpai:_ That's genius

_RollingThunder:_ This is why I'm dating u Who

_humanbattery:_ im hurt

_humanbattery:_ so ur not dating me for my good looks

_RollingThunder:_ u know i love u for both

_humanbattery:_ awww ily too

_lamppost_ : Get a room

_humanbattery:_ fuck off

_Sugamama:_ Language!

_humanbattery:_ Sorry mom

_Sugamama:_ classes are staring guys, put your phones away

**After School, No Practice Day**

_humanbattery:_ fuck

_milkboi:_ what is it this time dumbass

_humanbattery:_ my dads here

_Yachi:_ shouldnt that be good?

_humanbattery:_ Yachi

_humanbattery:_ My friend

_humanbattery:_ my father is a homophobic, transphobic, abusive piece of trash

_Yachi:_ Oh I'm Sorry!

_humanbattery:_ its fine, u didn't know

_humanbattery:_ hey Kageyama, hes currently yelling at me, so should I do the stare thing u said was creepy?

_milkboi:_ yes then maybe that ass hat will leave u alone

_humanbattery:_ k just a sec

_BestSenpai:_ Hinata if u ever need me to fight your dad for you, you can ask!

_RollingThunder:_ Same here Sho!

_humanbattery:_ DIGWVEDUAODBDYYEU

_Daichi:_ are you okay Hinata!?

_humanbattery:_ yes but OH MY GOD that was the best thing I've ever seen.

_Llamaguchi:_ what happened

_humanbattery:_ I did the creepy stare that Kageyama said to, and my dad look terrified, and he just left

_humanbattery:_ oh and we have a little problem

_milkboi:_ Jesus what is it this time

_JesusOurSaviour_ : I don't know

_BestSenpai:_ KSVADYIEBACY

_RollingThunder:_ Asahi has finally accepted his role as Jesus Christ

_humanbattery:_ k guess no one cares about my problems

_Sugamama:_ Its okay Hinata I'll listen

_humanbattery:_ thank you

_humanbattery:_ so u guys know how I broke 7 of my fingers

_Dadchi:_ yes?

_humanbattery:_ well....

_humanbattery:_ i can't play for three weeks. Doctors order

_milkboi:_ WHAT


	4. HINATA WHY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata blows out his teammates eardrums.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been trying to update for awhile now, but couldn't think of anything. Take this for now.

**_12:56 pm_ **

**_humanbattery:_** uhhdwijsdhhduw

_**humanbattery:**_ still 1 week left till I can playyyyyyyyyyy

_**humanbattery:**_ im gonna fucking die of boredom 

**_humanbattery:_** Oh guess no one cares about my problems ok🙂

_**6:47 pm** _

_**Bestsenpai:**_ hey guys, do u know why Hinata's here?

**_Sugamama:_** what? I thought he wasn't supposed to play?

_**bestsenpai:**_ he isnt. He's just staring at us

_**bestsenpai:**_ wait what is that? Is that a bluetooth speaker or somethiing?

**_Sugamama:_** why are you there anyways Tanaka? 

**_bestsenpai:_** oh me and Noya were just having extra pracyejabdhzuwhqjnfbhwu

**_bestsenpai:_** OH GOD MY EARS 

**_RollingThunder:_** jshwhskdveusjbfd

**_Sugamama:_** what's happening?!?

**_humanbattery:_** (:

**_Dadchi:_** that is terrifying 

**_bestsenpai:_** what is that SONG

_**lamppost:**_ what song is the idiot play

**_bestsenpai:_** I DONT KNOW BUT WHATEVER IT IS ITS FROM HELL 

_**humanbattery:[revenge](https://youtu.be/0rldeojVqtE)** _

_**humanbattery:**_ this is what u get for not responding to my texts earlier 

**_Sugamama:_** Hinata 

**_Sugamama:_** n o

**_Sugamama:_** we don't need a deaf Tanaka and Noya for our next match

**_humanbattery:_** (:

**_bestsenpai:_** oh NO HE TURNED IT UP LOUDER

_**RollingThunder:**_ how did it get louder?!!?kshsbsvsjsj


	5. Never Give Them Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Nishinoya find coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'm gonna try and update weekly from here on out. Hope you guys enjoy!

_**humanbattery:**_ heyguyshaveyoueverhadcoffeecauseitsamazingandiwouldrecommendittoeverybodyfivestarswoooooothisisgreat

_**Sugamama:**_ fess up, who gave Hinata coffee

_**milkboi:**_....

**_Sugamama:_** Really?!!?

_**Dadchi:**_ I'd expect Tanaka, maybe Nishinoya, but not you Kageyama

_**BestSenpai:**_ WHAT HAVE YOU DONE KAGEYFUAIHDUXUWJDV

**_BestSenpai:_** WOAH. HEY GUYS ITS NISHINOYA! I GPT TANAKSS FHONE! THANKD FIR THR XOFFER KAGTAMS!

_**Dadchi:**_ you gave it toto NOYA TOO!

**_milkboi:_** No I didn't!

**_Sugamama:_** then please explain why Hinata is screaming disney songs and Noya is hanging off Asahi like he's a tree

**_JesusOurSavior:_** pls help i lost all feeling in my left arm

_**milkboi:**_ okay!

**_milkboi:_** hinata looked tired this morning, so I bought him some coffee

**_milkboi:_** this ended up with him hyper and forcing Noya to drink it too

**_lamppost:_** king i am going to KILL YOU

**_lamppost:_** the shrimp just ran up behind me and pushed my knees full force out from under

**_lamppost:_** I asked him why and he said, and I quote

**_lamppost:_** " You look like a dinosaur, and dinos are scary, so I took ur knees!"

**_lamppost:_** he then ran away while singing under the sea from the little mermaid

**_Dadchi:_** noya GET DOWN

**_RollingThunder:_** NEVER

**_humanbattery:_** Yuuwhatareyoudoinghangingfromtheceiling?!?!thatlooksfuncanitry

_**Sugamama:**_ Hinata NO

_**RollingThunder:**_ Pls come up here sho im lonelllly

_**humanbattery:**_ okay!

**_BestSenpai:_** HOW IS HE CLIMBING UP THE WALL FKSFOSOWKEJRBDB JESUS

**_JesusOurSavior:_** you called?

_**Dadchi:**_ why do i even try at this point?


End file.
